Posts Tagged ‘miscarriage’

Mother’s Day

Mother’s day used to be a day that I looked forward to. Then God started placing the desire for my husband and I to have a child. Then it got hard, especially when I had to take medicines and things weren’t working. Then I got pregnant. We were both so happy. Our friends were happy, our parents were happy, hey, even our dog was happy. But then our joy shattered when we went in for an ultrasound and were told we were going to have a miscarriage. It was the hardest thing that has ever happened to me. It was just as hard as losing my best friend of many years when my dog died. It was just as hard as when my now-husband broke up with me for 12 days. This coming Sunday will be my first Mother’s Day as a mother. Yet, I cannot celebrate it like everyone else. I cannot hug my child or go out and enjoy special time with my child. My child is now with his Heavenly Father. I know he is in good hands and I can take joy in that. It is so comforting to think that even though I will not ever see my child here on earth, I know I will see him one day in Heaven. Oh, how I yearn for that day! Not only do I get to see my Savior, but I get to see my child as well. So if you see me struggling this Mother’s Day (or any other) you will know why. It’s hard to not spend my Mother’s Day in the usual way. I have to spend it another way. I pray that the Lord gives strength to all those like me – who have lost a child and still live with the daily pain of it. 


What’s Been Up

As you may notice, it has been a REALLY long time since I last posted. This is due to a number of things:

  • School starting (and all its chaos)
  • My husband and I had a miscarriage
  • Dealing with social anxiety
  • Panic attacks
  • Family in town
  • and to top it all off – our apartment flood which was not handled appropriately (and loss of items)

Chaos and Depression pretty much sum up the last few months. It’s very despressing to read but I thought I should be honest about it. I am, Lord-willing, going to be throwing myself back here. One of my new year’s resolutions is to do things that scare me – be willing to step out of my comfort zone. Well, here’s to a new year and one that I am focusing on hoping in God because without Him life isn’t worth living.